An array of ailments

I've been staying home. I figure that's the best way to not get COVID or the delta variant. Or anything else that's going on right now. People forget that there are still just plain 'ol viruses, and colds and the flu out there, too.

So my protection has been to stay put.

Of course, Jeff and Griffin have to be out and about. Jeff hasn't found a full-time job yet, but he's working part-time at a couple of places. And of course, Griffin goes to school.

But I remind them all the time, please be careful. If I get sick with anything, it will probably postpone my radiation treatments, and I'm on pins and needles waiting to get them started.

Jeff said, "For people who have been vaccinated, the number getting the delta variant has been about 1 in 5,000."

I looked at him, and we both laughed. He knew what I was about to say.

"Dude! I've had whooping cough, fifth disease and breast cancer. Talk to me," I said.

It's true. I've been the recipient of a lot of weird things.

I'm left-handed, which they say is hereditary, but we can't find any other left-handed people in my family.

I've had multiple kidney stones. It's also said to be hereditary. Nobody else has had any problem.

When Jeff and I were first married, I got shingles. It was under my chin, on my cheek and behind my ear. The headache I had with that stuff was some of the worst pain I've ever felt. 

He helped me get washed up in the shower so I could go to the doctor. He washed one leg and was starting on the other when I threw up on the one he had already washed. I immediately burst into tears. I felt awful and was just so emotional. The doctor hooked me up with meds for it, and it eventually went away.

I had fertility problems. Then when it was time for the boy to get here, he showed up a month early, and I had to have an emergency C-section.

When Griffin was little, he brought home fifth disease from day care.

According to the CDC, fifth disease is a mild rash illness caused by parvovirus B19. This disease, also called erythema infectiosum, got its name because it was fifth in a list of historical classifications of common skin rash illnesses in children. Symptoms include fever, runny nose, headache and rash. The rash may be on your face. It's often called “slapped cheek” rash.

And Griffin had all those things.

And then you read: People with fifth disease can also develop pain and swelling in their joints. This is called polyarthropathy syndrome. It is more common in adults, especially women. Some adults with fifth disease may only have painful joints, usually in the hands, feet, or knees, and no other symptoms. The joint pain usually lasts 1 to 3 weeks, but it can last for months or longer. It usually goes away without any long-term problems.

Griffin and I had it in July when he was 2 or 3. Some friends took me out for my birthday, and the knuckles on my hands were so swollen, Jeff had to cut up my food and open my presents.

One winter a good many years ago, I got a cough and couldn't shake it. It just got worse and worse. Turns out, it was whooping cough. Of COURSE it was!

I had to register myself with the local health department because they keep track of those types of diseases. They said that whooping cough cases had increased because of anti-vaxxers. Their kids weren't getting basic vaccinations, then they were coming in contact with whooping cough and getting it. The world is a small place now. It's not hard to come in contact with people from all around the world. If you could've seen the way I coughed, there is no way you would ever wish that on a child.

In 2015, my appendix ruptured. It couldn't just get inflamed and send me to the hospital. Noooo. It had to explode before I got to the hospital. I went to the urgent care center that's run by our doctors' office. The doctor, for whom English was her second language, pushed down on my side and let go. And when she let go, I almost came off that table.

She said, "Ay, Dios mio!"

And I wanted to say back, "I don't know a lot of Spanish, but I know what that means! It means, 'Oh my God!'"

Surgery followed.

Griffin was young enough not to really understand the whole situation, and when Jeff said, "Hey, let's go see Mama at the hospital."

Griffin said, "No, thank you."

Jeff said, "Why not?"

Griffin said, "'Cause I just don't want to see her surgery."

He thought that I would be in surgery from the time I got to the hospital until the time I left. Jeff convinced him that wasn't the case, and they came to visit.

I was up for a walk, so I did a couple of extra laps with just Griffin and me so he could see that I was ok.

Next came hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, which I've already talked about.

And now breast cancer. My great aunt on my Mama's side of the family had breast cancer in her 60s. Other than that, it's nowhere in our family. 

I mean, I know for things to become hereditary, they have to start somewhere, so why not with me?

My Daddy asked me recently why I get everything instead of my brother. 

I had asked my brother that very question, and he said, "'Cause you're tougher than me."

Tough or not, I'd be happy to let someone else have a turn with the weird ailments.