A little needy

 After 18 years of marriage, I still love hanging out with my husband. We still get into deep conversations about things, and we laugh ... a lot!

But throughout our relationship, we've always kept our own things going.

He loves car shows and playing golf. He plays on fantasy baseball and football teams. 

I spend time with my girlfriends — shopping and eating out, and talking, talking, talking.

So it's been an odd experience for me lately to feel so needy for Jeff. I've always WANTED him around. But lately, I feel like I NEED to have him around.

Any time he leaves the house, I feel a little pang of ... I don't really have a word for it.

I know he's coming home. I know I'll be fine while he's gone. I just don't want him to go.

Jeff and I met because we worked at the same newspaper. He was laid off back in September, but I wasn't. It's been hard to work there without him. I'm mad at the company, but I have to continue to do my best work — for our readers if for no other reason. It's odd to feel betrayed and loyal at the same time.

Although, I think the pandemic has actually helped in that way because I haven't had to be in the office without him. It makes me wonder what it will be like when he gets another job, and we work in different places.

I have to say that I don't like the neediness I'm feeling. I'm a strong, independent woman who is just fine on her own. I had decided not to do the whole marriage, family thing until Jeff came along and screwed up all my plans!

So this is a new and weird feeling for me.